Love is kind. If then we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak. The same sentence can have two different meanings, depending on how you say it. The statement "I Love You", when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love. But what about the statement "I Love You?" The question mark changes the whole meaning of those three words. Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. We are sending double messages. Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use. On the other hand, we can share hurt, pain, and even anger in a kind manner, and that will be an expression of love. but the same words expressed with a loud, harsh voice will be not an expression of love but an expression of condemnation and judgment.
The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important. An ancient sage once said, "A soft answer turns away anger." When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out with words of heat, if you choose to be loving you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft voice. You will receive what he is saying as information about his emotional feelings. You will seek understanding and reconcilation, and not to prove your own perception as the only logical way to interpret what has happened.
Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn't bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love. "I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are not a failure because you have failed. You are my spouse, and together we will go on from here." These are the kind words that can be expressed in the dialect of kind words.
"THE OBJECT OF LOVE IS NOT GETTING SOMETHING YOU WANT BUT DOING SOMETHING FOR THE WELL-BEING OF THE ONE YOU LOVE."
The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important. An ancient sage once said, "A soft answer turns away anger." When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out with words of heat, if you choose to be loving you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft voice. You will receive what he is saying as information about his emotional feelings. You will seek understanding and reconcilation, and not to prove your own perception as the only logical way to interpret what has happened.
Love doesn't keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn't bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other's desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love. "I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are not a failure because you have failed. You are my spouse, and together we will go on from here." These are the kind words that can be expressed in the dialect of kind words.
"THE OBJECT OF LOVE IS NOT GETTING SOMETHING YOU WANT BUT DOING SOMETHING FOR THE WELL-BEING OF THE ONE YOU LOVE."
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